im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
