You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
