if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my liver is dry heaving
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
