butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
