Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
