Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
