watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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