She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
