so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
