i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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