Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
