can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
