Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i permit you to call me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
