No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
