now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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