i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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