Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
