And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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