Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
