Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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