did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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