He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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