well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
