I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
