I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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