Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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