I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
