...so i touched it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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