I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My pussy is not your playground.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
