i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
