i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
