There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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