he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
