I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They are going to name an STD after you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I enjoy the company of your penis
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
