Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
