I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
