You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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