THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
