I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
