I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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