his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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