Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
