that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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