i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
