glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
