woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
