Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
