i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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