The maid of honor just puked.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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