Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
