Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
