Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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