My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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