dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
