the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
