Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
