sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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